Think Like a Thermostat - Life Coach 180

Think Like a Thermostat, involves self control and the ability to regulate the environment versus the environment and behaviors of others regulating you.

“The biggest challenge to self control is self-regulation. Successful people know how to make their emotions their servants rather than their master”, shares Dr. Paul TP Wong.(1) “When you react, you let others control you. When you respond, you are in control.”(2) Bohdi Sanders

Thermostat versus a Thermometer

A thermostat can regulate and control an environment but by contrast a thermometer responds to the environment. The hotter a room , the higher the number indicating temperature will be. Similar to our emotions, when we enter into an environment that is heated our emotions can rise based on what is perceived. This response is not under control but just like a thermometer easily detected.

A thermostat has the ability to regulate the environment and control the temperature of a room. It can also set the desired temperature. Thermostats can also detect how warm or cool the environment is and regulate the temperature using a bimetallic strip (3),which bends depending on the temperature change. Similarly we have the ability to remain positive when others choose to be negative. In the midst of stress and conflict we can bring resolve by tapping into a kind word or compassionate statement. Instead of allowing our emotions to drive us we can shift the gears in our thought process just like regulating the desired setting in a thermostat.

Cars also regulate heat by allowing the thermostat valve to open which allows coolant to circulate and keeps the engine cool. “As it functions as a valve, the thermostat has 2 positions: open and closed. When the valve is in the open position, coolant is able to flow through it, which lowers the engine’s temperature(4)”. We have the same ability to keep calm when a situation gets heated; simply open up your mental valves and share with others when you feel frustrated about issues that overheat you. Remember the danger lies when you keep it bottled up inside which allows pressure to build up.

Early in my marriage I thought the answer of bringing resolution to any argument was to give my wife the silent treatment. In essence that was my coolant of choice, The problem I faced was my wife was better in outlasting me in silence for days at a time than I was. This would drive me absolutely insane as the hours ticked away and the solitude was unbearable. I used a cooling method from generations passed that I didn’t realize I was trained in. I never considered my coolant because I truly didn’t know myself and what was imbedded in me as the default. Have you considered your coolant and go to method when you are frustrated?

We need to move away from the thermometer which can only respond and make us aware of what is happening in the environment or setting. It doesn’t have the ability to change what is happening but responds. As the temperature of the room rises the thermometer will also rise. In essence, it has no control over the environment but simply rises and falls based on the environment or atmosphere. Just like a thermometer we can quickly get frustrated when problems arise based on the environment. For example if someone cuts us off, we quickly respond with crude remarks and insults. The negative choice of someone else has caused us to respond back in a negative way just like a thermometer. Similar to my silent treatment, it only occurred during my frustration as a result of the heat being turned up.

A thermostat would consider the surroundings of the other person. It isn’t about you but what possible positive outcomes could be considered. What if I instead gave my wife the silent treatment considered what I did to possibly get her upset? What if I embodied what Paul the Apostle said to the Ephesians, “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her (Ephesians 5:25 ).” Jesus considered such a great love for us that He didn’t give us the silent treatment but “rather, he made himself nothing by taking the very nature of a servant, being made in human likeness (Philippians 2:7). Why? so He could feel what we feel; hurt like we hurt to better understand us. What happens when we become willing to take on empathy for others and step into their shoes. What would have happened early in my marriage if my coolant would have been the same coolant that was brought to us by a loving Heavenly Father who was willing to give up His only son to not only save us but to understand our infirmities (pains, hurts, anxiety). When you become a thermostat you long to understand others and manage the feelings of others. It takes work but consider you become the calming factor and remain cool.

Don’t Blow Your Engine

Your emotions are a warning sign that something is wrong and if we don’t respond to them it can result in a catastrophe. For example, a simple check engine light that flashes the temperature is advising us to pull over because the car is about to over heat. Yet in certain instances we refuse to pull over because it is more important to make it to our destination. Our emotions react this way by overriding logic, common sense and consequences in order to achieve self desires and pride. Unfortunately, the result is a blown engine and a car that will go to the junkyard. How many relationships will we allow to be severed because we refuse to acknowledge the temperature light of emotions? Are you willing to pull over to stop and think of the consequences?

Tools to develop into a Thermostat

Diffuse the Conflict by building a bridge to connect with the other person who hurt you. Don’t wait because as you allow time to pass by regret ensues. Jesus shares, “If your brother or sister sins, go and point out their fault, just between the two of you. If they listen to you, you have won them over.” (Mathew 18:5 NIV) A thermostat brings comfort to the offense and brings healing.
Bear and Forgive- Just like a bimetallic strip we have to bend to the heat to keep the atmosphere at the desired temperature. In life the punches will come but if you learn to roll with the punch you can absorb the damage. Jesus exemplified this on the cross when He gave His life for us. We were undeserved yet he was willing to die for us. (1 John 3:16) Paul shared, “Bearing with one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive.(Colossians 3:13 NIV) This isn’t simply a request but a command. Forgiveness allows you to go home when your prison shift is over. Simply set the keys down and say goodby to the prisoner.
Listen to the other person. Before you jump to conclusion and judge be intentional to ask probing questions and listen to the response. Try as best as you can to listen to their perspective by placing yourself in their shoes. James shares, “Know this, my beloved brothers: let every person be quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger;”(James 1:19) Learn to count 1-10 backward when you know you are about to say something based from a thermometers perspective. In other words if the temperature is rising release the valve by stopping and thinking first.
Pack it Away by folding it up and closing the suit case. Ask yourself is it even worth my time and energy? Does it build me up in order to hold on to it? Remember since you are a person of worth and value, only retain things that add to your worth. Simply put, “Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you.” (Ephesians 4:31) Place the anger in a box, chances are you will forget that it’s even there.
Me! Me! No it’s not about you. The more you serve and love others, even when they don’t deserve it only creates a path of peace. The more we strip others down and prune every imperfection in them, we are eventually left with a bare tree not worth displaying. Thermometers live to remind everyone of the temperature that can’t be changed but thermostats changes it. “What causes quarrels and what causes fights among you?Is it not this, that your passions are at war within you?” (James 4:1 NIV) If you are constantly heated consider the root cause which only takes an observation in the mirror.
Stay cool, God has Got You! Wants you set the thermostat let it do its job. Learn to walk away and enjoy the regulated comfort it supplies in your life. God wants to regulate your fear if you let Him. Enjoy life by trusting He is going to regulate the heat, problems and trials that may come your way. ““Fear of man will prove to be a snare, but whoever trusts in the Lord is kept safe.” (Proverbs 29:25 NIV)
Resist playing emotional tennis. In the heat of anger don’t to retaliate by serving a negative emotional statement back. The only way to win the game is by setting your racquet down and refusing to serve back. This allows the individual to self reflect and acknowledge you are not going to feed them the ball back. By not engaging you allow them to cool off. By giving the same space you acknowledge that you are only willing to play on positive emotions and encouraging statements. For example always deflect a negative statement by a positive one. Person one says, “are you listening, or are you ignoring me?” Person 2 says, “I am listening to what you are saying in order to better understand your concerns.” You can repeat what they stated in order to acknowledge their concerns. “So if heard what you said, you want to make sure I arrive on time correct?” The make a statement that you will work on it. In Proverbs 14:29 “Whoever is slow to anger has great understanding, but he who has a hasty temper exalts folly.”