“The greatest sources of our suffering are the lies we tell ourselves.” It’s the way we justified areas that we either have been hurt or hurt others and fault blame on others diverging from our role in it trying to protect ourselves from the pain.
To Discuss:
What conflict or battle with someone did you have a role to play? How can you resolve conflict by taking your responsibility or showing humility to apologize?
A. Identify the Conflict Clearly
- Think of a personal, workplace, or school-related conflict.
- Describe the situation briefly: Who was involved? What was the main issue?
B. Acknowledge Your Role
- Were you the initiator, a responder, or a mediator?
- Did your words or actions escalate or help de-escalate the conflict?
C. Stay Neutral and Objective
- Avoid blaming others; instead, focus on what happened and how you handled it.
- Use “I” statements to reflect on your perspective (e.g., “I felt frustrated when…” rather than “They were being unfair…”).
D. Highlight the Outcome
- Was the conflict resolved?
- If not, what could have been done differently?
Example Response:
“I once had a disagreement with a coworker over the division of tasks on a team project. I felt I was doing more than my share, while my coworker believed their contributions were equally valuable. Initially, I avoided addressing the issue, which led to tension. Eventually, I asked for a private conversation where we both shared our perspectives. We realized our miscommunication and agreed to clarify roles upfront in future projects.”
A. Take Responsibility for Your Actions
- Acknowledge any mistakes or misunderstandings on your part.
- Avoid making excuses; focus on how you contributed to the conflict.
B. Show Empathy and Understanding
- Try to see the situation from the other person’s perspective.
- Validate their feelings even if you don’t fully agree.
C. Offer a Genuine Apology
- Be direct and sincere: “I’m sorry for…” or “I realize I could have handled this better by…”
- Avoid “if” or “but” statements (e.g., “I’m sorry if you felt hurt” is less effective than “I’m sorry for my words coming across as harsh.”).
D. Find a Solution Together
- Suggest ways to improve the situation.
- Ask for feedback on how to move forward positively.
Example Response:
“During a disagreement with a family member, I was quick to raise my voice instead of listening. After reflecting, I realized my reaction was defensive. I apologized for my tone and admitted I could have approached the situation more calmly. I then asked how we could communicate better in the future, which helped us rebuild trust.”
What God says:
- Colossians 3:13: “Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone”
- Hebrews 12:14: “Strive for peace with everyone, and for the holiness without which no one will see the Lord”