Are you Living in Regret?
It’s better to look ahead an prepare than to look back and regret. -Jackie Joyner-Kersse
The ball and Chain of Regret
Jim Carrey was quoted as saying “If you aren’t in the moment, you are either looking forward to uncertainty, or back to pain and regret.” We tend to live in regret or past pain because it has been a ball and chain we have been accustomed to living with. For some reason we carry it like an appendage we were born with. Every time we pull away from regret it follows us in relationships, business, self esteem and much more. But why? We have tolerated regret far too long like a bad tooth that needs to be removed not simply medicated with novocaine.
Do you remember that car either you or your friend could not let go of? Though it had poor gas mileage and blinded the drivers behind you with the plume of smoke that looked as if Mt. St. Hellens erupted; you refused to let it go. So many memories, from the stains in the rug. from braking too hard, to the pizza grease on the fabric of the back seat from the party’s with friends. The reality is just like past memories, hanging on to the old clunker will not get you where you need to go. The more you invest in the past just like in an old car will eventually leave you bankrupt and stranded. The best advice I could give you is to park it on the lot of the past and let it go.
“UnHealthy Ways We Manage Guilt” Max Lucado
Max Lucado shares in his book called, “Trade Your Cares for Calm,” his top ten ways we deal with guilt.
10. Deny It. You say it never happened, or you cover up the bad choice. “One lie leads to another until we can no longer prolong the charade.”
9. Minimize It. You simply got caught up in the moment. You made a mistake in judgement. It was just a small sin.
8. Bury It. “Suppress the guilt beneath a mound of work and a calendar of appointments. If you stay busy or avoid the people you hurt it might go away. Maybe if you stop looking into the mirror you will forget who you truly are.
7. Punish It. Beat yourself up, harm yourself either physically or mentally. Exchange the guilt by beating yourself up with activities of rules, service and commitments to erase the guilt or regret away never having time to truly heal.
6. Numb It. Utilizing alcohol to numb it away, pornography to fantasize it away, substance abuse to float it away, spend time with another love interest to validate it away. The problem reappears once you get home or when you finally look in the mirror. It’s as if you stay under water hoping you never have to come up for air.
5. Avoid the mention of It. “Just don’t bring it up.” Hide it and don’t reveal it to anyone. Keep relationships superficial hoping that the monster of the deep doesn’t rise to the surface.”
4. Redirect It. Take it out on others you love. Yell at co-workers or your employees. Scream at the driver who just cut you off who by the way can’t hear you.
3. Normalize It. “Really, it’s not that bad. Everyone is doing the same.” I am just getting through the day. It’s just the way I grew up, or best yet; blame parents or the environment you grew up in.
2. Offset It. I promise it will never happen again. You begin to seek perfection and expect it in others. You begin building the perfect glass house of family, career, grades and even “perfect Christian” hoping no one finds out. You are absolutely intolerant when some one “slips up or fouls-up. The weight over the world is on your shoulders when you make a mistake. The pendulum of life can never be balanced because either you know you can never be perfect or other around you will never rise to your expectation.
1. Embody It. It is what it is! “We didn’t get drunk; we are drunks. We didn’t screwup; we are screwups.” We are bad to the bone. It’s only a matter of time we make another poor choice and we like it that way. This stage is the most dangerous because this is the last straw drawn where we can give up.
Fuel UP
1. Are there any ways that Max Lucado listed you can identify with?
2. Are you able to identify what the root cause might be that is creating the regret?
3. What steps will you take to get help or who are you willing to call?
Resource
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Loved this so much. It was very profound and relatable. Loved when you mentioned wake up to something pure because personally how I wake up is a precursor to how my day goes. So I wake up to Gods word before any other voice gets in my head. Thank you so much. Continue to do Gods work.